So, here's the story. It's Saturday morning; I am exhausted by my sleepless night of constant nursing, sore nipples, and restraining myself from dropping an elbow on my husbands manly parts. All the while, he breathes heavily in a deep sleep, as if he can't hear our baby crying all night long. Why did God make breathing so annoying? Sometimes I think of all the ways I could make the loud breathing stop.
What? I am talking about ear plugs. Oh, please like you have never been there...Don't judge me.
Anyways, so I finally get Presley to sleep, and I am dreaming peacefully of margaritas and warm white sand, when I hear a doorbell. As I am still dreaming I think to myself this must be the cabana boy hear to rub me down with deliciously smelling hot oils, only to be quickly brought back to my reality and realize the doorbell to my house is really ringing, my two dogs barking especially loud, and yes my beautiful Presley is awake and crying again! I automatically think this must be Jesus here to take me home, because he would hate for me to kill someone, and the only chances of that not happening is if it was Jesus ringing my bell. I get to the door and who might it be...a couple of lovely Jehovah witnesses. So here is where I decide that God must have a great sense of humor up there. Laughing at me. Not Jesus, but Jehovah witnesses. So as a Christian woman, I have enough sense to control my tongue.
Here's the most frustrating part of my story...So, anyone could look at my hair sticky up, the sleep lines on my face from my pillow, and my eyes still with sleep crusties, and know I was sleeping; however this sweet lady asks, "Oh, did I wake you." Right here in this moment, I fail on the wittiness I usually possess. I could have said, Oh, no I just got back from the Oscars, or I was just getting my self ready for the Lord's return...the list goes on and on. However, no words other than, "yes I was" comes out. I don't know if it was the lovely dream that distracted me, the pure exhaustion, or the fact that someone had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 9am on a Saturday, but I was not on the witty ball. Then for some reason, my inner "Jill" ( Jill is my mother) is released, and for some reason I feel the need to explain why I was still asleep. So I tell her about our daughter's sleepless night. Her response to me is this, "Oh, and what did that doorbell just do for her?" Are you freakin' kidding me? WITTY FAIL AGAIN!! All I say is, "well she's awake again." Not "well I think it soothed her right to sleep, and if that didn't work I am sure the dogs barking rocked her right into sweet slumber." Nothing came out! Moments later, after I assured her my family knows the Lord, Zach (my cabana boy-a.k.a. husband) and I sat in bed and rattled off all the witty comments I should have said, had my wit not forsaken me!
